Skydiving!

My little sister told me that she wanted to go skydiving for her 21^st birthday. When I asked her who she was going with, she said none of her friends are the type of people to go skydiving. She said she was fine going by herself. I said she couldn’t go by herself. I have always wanted to skydive. After thinking it over I decided to take the day off work and do it. It’s a once in a life time chance to go skydiving with my sister on her 21^st birthday. Carpe diem!

Maybe it’s because I got into a car accident a few days before, but I really wasn’t that nervous about it. Even when we got to the skydiving place I felt calm. The instructors jump 6-20 times a day so they really make it seem like it’s not a big deal. I didn’t get that nervous until the plane to the door open. But at that point they move you out so quickly you don’t have time to hesitate. You don’t jump out of the plane either. You instructor rocks you out so quickly you don’t have time to look down.

My mom really wanted a video to live vicariously through us. My sister didn’t want the camera man right in front of her while she was falling because she just wanted to enjoy the experience. So my mom paid the extra to have the camera guy shoot me instead. (It’s really expensive to get the video and pictures but man, the pictures turn out good.)

My first thought when I jumped out was: this is really cold. My mouth was really dry. That’s about all I can remember. I don’t even remember looking at anything during the freefall. I wanted to see myself falling through clouds, but it’s much too fast to notice that. The freefall lasted about as long as I wanted it to. I was ready for it to be over when he deployed the parachute.

After that it didn’t feel very real. It felt a little like I was in an airplane except it was kind of windy. I don’t know, it just didn’t seem real. I think I would need to go again to really be able to appreciate it. The first time you don’t know what to expect and you’re just in shock. It also goes really fast. It’s expensive so it will be a while before I do it again. But I feel like I couldn’t full appreciate the whole experience the first time around.

If you are considering skydiving in your life, do it! Once you decide to do it, it’s about as a scary as a six flags roller coaster.

Protection and Provision in Car Accidents

What physically happened?

I got into my first car accident on Friday. Thankfully I am fine and no one was hurt. Here is what happened. I was driving on the 110N toward Pasadena. There is an entrance to the 5N that is a sharp turn off to the left. Right before the 5 entrance I see the car in front of me slam on his breaks. I slam on mine, but hit him, causing my airbag to deploy. I pull off to the right shoulder. A tow truck must have just been driving by and saw us. The tow truck driver came over to me and said that the guys wanted to meet at an IHOP off the next exit to exchange information. Since I am crying and shaking the tow truck driver offered to drive my car for me. Once at IHOP I find out that there was a car ahead of the one that I hit that first slammed on his breaks. So car #1 slammed on breaks, car #2 hit car 1, and I hit car 2. Car 1 took off and did not meet us at IHOP and we didn’t get down his license plate. We think that he was trying to merge at the last minute on the 5N freeway and didn’t make it and had to slam on his breaks. But car 2 was there and we exchanged information. We called CHP and filed a police report. I called my insurance to file a claim. My insurance was not tell me where to take my car so the tow truck driver was really helpful and took me to a place he suggested that I would get the best quote for how much my car is worth. I really had no other choice but to trust him because I didn't know where to go. While I was talking to my insurance he said he wanted to give his statement as well because he had talked to the driver of the first car before he took off. He was like, “I’m going to do what I can so that this doesn't come back as your fault.” He was so helpful in the midst of my tears and falling apart. The place where we took my car was really nice as well and got me a rental car. Really things seemed to be happening quickly and people were just guiding me from one step to the next. I just kept asking, “Will my insurance cover this?” They kept saying yes, so hopefully they are right.

The damage

I have a few air bag burns on my arm and I am little stiff today but really nothing too bad. I pray that no other pains surface in the days to come. The guy from Car 2 seemed to be fine and didn’t tell us that he was injured at all. We don’t know about the guy from car 1, because he took off. So praise the Lord no one was hurt. My car is not doing so well. It can drive, because tow truck guy drove it off the freeway. But because the air bag deployed he said that the damage may be more than the car is worth. We looked up my car on Kelly Blue Book and it’s only worth about $3,000, which is not really enough money to buy another car. So right now my insurance will cover a rental car. I won’t really know anything for sure until and adjuster looks at the car but things aren’t looking so good. Since I am only working part time at the moment there is not really any room in my budget for going out to dinner or a movie, let alone a car payment.

What spiritually happened?

After reflecting on the accident last night and today I realized a few things. When things like this happen to me my mind usually assumes God response to be 1) punishing me for something or 2) testing my faith. In this case my mind went to God is testing me. Recently I feel like I have done pretty well with trusting God with my finances and that he will provide for me even though I am only working part time. But I felt like the accident was God’s way of saying, “See how you do with this. Now you don’t have a car and don’t have money to get a new one. Are you still going to trust me?” But my view of God’s attitude in it felt very mean spirited. More what I felt like he was saying is, “See you really don’t trust me when times get really hard.” And then I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and shame.

I realize that this is probably a very inaccurate picture of where God was in the midst of my accident. He is probably not standing back far away saying, “Let’s see how you do with this curve ball.” So I have been asking, “Jesus, where were you really during the accident?” As I was praying the first image that came to mind was strangely from the movie Twilight. There is a scene where Edward supernaturally stops a truck from crashing into Bella with his hand. Although the accident did happen, I got an image of God bracing the impact. The hit really didn’t feel that bad to me in the moment, it didn’t feel strong enough for the airbag to deploy. I don’t have whiplash or any serious injuries. Since my windshield shattered on the passenger side I got the image of God putting his hand on the windshield to stop the severity of the impact the way that Edward did. (Except God is way cooler and real!)

The second thought I had about how God was with me is hard to describe. Basically God was “the man” in the situation who just took care of everything so that I didn’t have to. This is probably being really stereotypical and chauvinistic but I just love when men step up to take care of things, especially car things. Yes there were actual men in this situation who helped me, but really it was God who was “The Man.” As I prayed about where God was present I saw him stopping traffic so that I could pull my car over to the shoulder. I saw him flag down the tow truck driver. He opened my door and helped me sit in the passenger seat as I was shaking and tearful while the tow driver drove my car off the free way. He helped me through the steps of calling CHP and my insurance. He was the one who made all the arrangement to get my car to this auto place and get me a rental car. I was really taken care of every step of the way in this situation and none of it was by my own doing. My first response is always to call my mommy before the police or my insurance because my mommy knows how to do everything. (She really has an answer for everything. How do moms know everything? I just don’t understand, but that’s another blog post). Well my mom was at work and not answering right away so I had to rely on the kindness of strangers and the Lord to tell me what to do. Not that I was incapable of figuring out what to do after a car accident, but it was just really nice just be led through the process and have the Lord be “The Man” and take care of me. I hope that made a little bit of sense.

I also see that God is not condemning me that I don’t trust him with my money but is inviting me into something deeper. It’s not a punishment but a gift to be able to experience God’s miraculous power and know him deeper as my Provider. Right now I really have no idea how I will be able to get a car or the transportation that I need to get to work in a few weeks. But I know that God took care of my every need and more during the accident. He will continue to take care of my every need because he is a good Father and knows what I need.

Sin and Brokenness Starts Early

This last week at work has been particularly difficult with my students. A lot has happened that feels particularly burdensome to me. Obviously I can’t go into details on this blog, but I have seen a lot of disturbing behaviors in my students and fear what may be happening to them at home. I have been able to see how easily sin can be perpetuated. My students are K-5 and already I see the effects of sin and brokenness in their lives. I see how the sins of their parents have an enormous effect on them. The absence of a father, divorce, anger, abuse, and lack of discipline comes out in their behavior daily. I have seen how I even perpetuate cycles of sin in my impatience and anger toward them. As I communicate to them frustration in my tone which leads to anger and yelling, they model that behavior back to me and to their peers. Although I am praying and working through the sin that is in me, I fail in some way with them every day and worry about how my actions are hurting them. I see how their sin toward each other escalates and gets caught in these destructive cycles. Name calling, hitting, fighting, stealing, lying are issues that come up daily.

It saddens me how Satan can already have such a strong hold on these kids who are only 8 years old. They are already caught into the web of sin and lies at such an early age. It seems so unfair. Why Lord are these kids already so young to be so broken sin? Because I have been through counseling, I can see how these issues will affect them throughout their whole life. They are developing defense mechanism and shutting down emotionally, issues that will come up as they are adults.

It feels burdensome to me this week as I have felt powerless to stop it. Not only do I feel like I can not stop the cycles of sin, but I am contributing to it. I am not trying to say that I am a complete failure and I am horrible to them. I do care for them and there are times when I am patient and really affirming, but every day I sin and fail them in some way. The situation just seems really hopeless. I weep as I think about all of this.

I know that the Lord has a plan of redemption and healing for these kids but it’s hard to see in the midst of so much destructiveness. But my sister reminded me that praying for them is the best thing I can do for them. I may be the only one that is praying for them. Lord I just pray that you would break Satan’s grip on these kids. Protect them from lasting scars of pain and hurt. Bring into the light any evilness and put a stop to it. These are your children.

Leaf People Art

I am always looking for artistic and creative projects to do with my students. Not only do I want to build up experience teaching arts lessons, but I want to expose my students to as much art as I can. God knows that need a healthy outlet to express themselves other than name calling.

I found this idea online for “Stick People.” I should really think of a better name. I had the time that day, so I was able to walk around my neighborhood and collect sticks and interesting types of leaves. It was nice to be in the neighborhood and notice the trees and the leaves that I normally would not have noticed. I did get some strange looks from neighbors as I would stop to pick up a leaf here and a twig there. It probably looked like I was picking up trash, but no, just leaves.

I created an example for my students. Although I don’t like putting ideas into their head about what their art should look like, I did want them to have some framework and structure, and not just start gluing down leaves randomly. The younger ones will do this. I was very impressed with their level of creativity. One student tore a long leaf to make boots for her person. Another student made a scooter to go alongside his person. After they made the stick people I decided to use the art a step further and incorporate character development into this project. I applied some lessons I learned from Inner City Arts. I asked the students to think about who this stick person was that they had created. What was their name? How old were they? Where did they live? What did they like to do? I just asked them to think about it, but they in fact wanted to write it all out. I was also very surprised at how in depth they were able to create characters in a very short amount of time. I had the students share their art with each other and tell about the character that they created. If I had more time, I would have had them start acting out these characters. I really enjoyed watching them create this art and see how they each created something very unique to who they were. Usually my students will never choose to do art when offered to play outside instead, but they do enjoy it once they get going. I was one of my more fulfilling moments at this job. Now I need to think about how I can continue to build off those great imaginations.

6 Months in Review

So we are half way through Megan’s Life in LA Season 1. I have been living in LA for about 6 months now. I thought I would look back at the episodes of this season and what God has been doing.

Safety. I have been pleasantly surprised with how safe I felt here thus far. I expected to be a lot more fearful about walking to my car and being at home alone. I am surprised at how quickly I have adjusted to being more cautious, not coming home too late, and calling my roommates when I am walking in. Although I have not seen or experienced any violence, that does not mean that this area is void of danger. Just a week ago, a friend from my bible study was mugged while walking home when it was light out. Given the reality of neighborhood, I am thankful that the Lord has protected my roommates and me and not made me overly fearful in living here.

Roommates. My roommates have far exceeded any expectation I had about living in community. Although I have had amazing roommates in the past, this has been a much different experience. Without all the busyness of college and campus ministry, I have been able to live life more with my roommates. Between sharing groceries, eating meals, cooking for each other, and praying for each other it has been quite the bonding experience. It’s also nice to be able to invite people over for dinner which seems to be more common place here than going out to a restaurant. Much cheaper too. I love our cozy little place!

Jobs. Being unemployed or partially employed for 6 months has definitely pressed some buttons in me about where my security comes from. I was forced to understand God as my Provider when my savings account that I built up the last 2 years began to quickly deplete. But I have never been without anything that I needed. By the grace of God I am currently working 2 part time jobs. One is for Star Education, an afterschool program. I have a lot of kindergarteners that are super cute. I have some freedom in the activities that I plan for them. I enjoy coming up with educational activities, art lessons, and of course theatre games. Disciple and authority with them has been a challenge but I am learning about how to love them as Jesus does. My second job is with a company called Street Beat. They are similar to Stomp in that they create music on repurposed instruments like trash cans and buckets. They also combine break dancing and parkour into their show. I am basically the personal assistant for the artistic director of the company. I job involves spearheading different projects that I have no experience with. I’ve been able to learn more about marketing, social media, networking, and arts education though I don’t know what I am doing most of the time. The hours of this job come and go. Although I am grateful for the work that God has given me, I never expected still feel this unstable in my job(s) 6 months after moving here. I think I really underestimated the job market given that after graduating it only took me 3 weeks to find a full time job.

Neighbors. Really being absorbed into this neighborhood is more difficult than I anticipated. Although I know the people in my building I can not say that I have a friendship with them. The cultural, gender, and generation gaps have made it hard for me to know how to best engage with them. As I take walks around the neighborhood, I pray for them, but don’t know how to meet new neighbors. There are opportunities to talk to people while waiting at the laundry mat, but I have been fearful of the language barrier and don’t really know what to say. I often feel defeated and don’t even want to try. I feel disappointed with myself that I have let fear paralyze me. I pray that God will give me more boldness, opportunities, and ways to care for the people in this neighborhood. You can be praying for me in this area.

Church. I have decided to attend Church of the Redeemer, Kevin Blue’s church for you IV and LAUP folk. The church is a multicultural/bilingual community of Christians who are dedicated to be in the community for the community. While I know that I do not have complete ownership over the mission of the church, I want God to grow my heart and actions toward this mission. I started going to a bible study on Mon nights. I am grateful for the people that I have met there. There is a family in the group that I babysit for. I get to watch this adorable little guy who will just sit with me let me sing songs to him for hours. It’s heaven, I tell you, heaven. I still feel like a bit of an outsider with the church at large, but I am grateful for the friendships that I have been able to make thus far.

Well that Season 1 so far. Highlights: My nephew being born, volunteering with Inner City Arts and taking the Creativity in the Classroom series, roommate bonding over a game of Quelf, singing songs to the kiddo I babysit, helping my students in Star engage with art, and enjoying the rainy season.

It’s has been a fairly smooth transition settling in. Now that I am situated, I am starting to think about more long term plans. Where am I going career wise? Where should I invest ministry wise? What skills do I need to develop? What friendships and people should I invest my time into? I anticipate that the next 6 months will feel a bit more jolting, as I consider these plans for the future.

Thank you to those who support and care for me, pray for me, and read my blog.

Tales of Target

I love Target! I always have. The experience is relaxing and restful for me. (Except during the Christmas season). I could just walk around even if I have nothing to buy. Not like Walmart. I hate Walmart. I could write a whole other blog post about why I hate Walmart. I never shop at Walmart. But Target is amazing.

Things I love about Target:

· Wide isles

· Relaxing colors

· Usually not overly crowded, or at least it usually doesn’t seem that way

· Dollar spot

· Easy to find where thing are

· Most target have the same set up, so when I got into a new target usually I can easily find things

· I always find cool things there

· 5 dollar movies deals (dangerous though). DVD section is a huge temptation for me.

Today I was in Target and overheard some interesting conversations. Here are some one liners I caught as I was strolling about

Dad talking to his two little kids, “Well soon you’ll be 6 and that is just off the hook. I mean 6 is amazing.”

Guy on his phone, “You know, I’m really all familied out.”

Mom talking to her teenage daughter, “Now these have chemical. They have been animal tested…..”

The most interesting thing I overheard today was this women going up to parents trying to recruit their kids for a talent agency. I saw her walking around target talking to at least 3 different moms about how cute their kids were and how they were perfect for acting or modeling or something like that. What surprised me the most was how engaged these moms were. If I was a parent, I would think it was super sketch and be really skeptical. But she was having long conversation with all these moms. I got to give this lady props for her selling skills though. I wonder if it’s legal to come up to people inside target and recruit for a talent agency.

PS the picture is of my sister and me while filming part of a music video in Target. Great place to film a music video fyi.

Psalm 46

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
a very present^* help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,
though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
³ though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble with its tumult.
⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy habitation of the Most High.

⁵ God is in the midst of the city;^* it shall not be moved;
God will help it when the morning dawns.
⁶ The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
⁷ The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.^*
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord;

see what desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ ‘Be still, and know that I am God!
I am exalted among the nations,
I am exalted in the earth.’
¹¹ The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.^*

Although I wish I could paint myself what I feel this psalm represents, I am glad that I can connect with it through others' work.