Getting into a car accident is very scary and stressful, but the aftermath of it is even worse. For the past few month I have only been working part time, but I have felt more busy than I did when I working full time and interning with Intervarsity. Dealing with all this car stuff has been a job itself, only it’s eating money, and not making it.
I couldn’t really deal with why I was so stressed in the midst of it. Afterwards I was able to process what is going on for me. My mother was a single mom and raised me to be very independent and self sufficient. Part of that is really good, but I have twisted that into something that is really unhealthy. In dealing with all of this car stuff I felt very alone and that I had to do everything myself. Part of me felt bitter about it but part of me felt like, well, I’m tough, I don’t need anyone, I can do it myself. But that is a dangerous way of thinking and is a lie. Obviously I can’t do it all myself because I was breaking down crying every day, not sleeping well, and having a lot of anxiety. I was not letting God take care of me. Even though I was trying to let God provide for me needs, I have always operated in a way where I feel like I just need to take care of myself and do what it takes to get things done. In the end, God always comes though, even in the midst of my sin. I am very thankful for his grace on me. There’s a lot more but I can’t really get into it on a public blog.
As things continued to go wrong with the all this car stuff I begged for God to make it end, but more of more things kept coming up. I realized that I have no guarantee that these problems will end. I can only choose to turn to God in the midst of them or continue to live in stress and anxiety. There is a “churchy” phrase that comes from Daniel’s friends being sent into the furnace that I really like. God will not deliver us from the fire, but he will deliver us through the fire. God does not promise that we will not go through difficult situations but he does promise that he will be with us in the midst of them.
-During the accident, surrounding me with people who were leading me in what to do
- That my insurance paid for a rental car the majority of the time
-A really nice insurance agent who was very fast and always responded quickly to me
-A friend who was gave me a lot of advice about cars
-A friend who went with me to buy the car
-My small group praying for me
-My mom being home from work that month so that she was available during the day when I needed to call her with questions
-My dad giving me advice and sending me some money for the car
-My grandfather’s inheritance that helped pay for the car
-The time to car search in only working part time
-There is more I just can’t think of right now